Role Reversal: Ex-Wives Angry Over Paying Alimony

He got their second house, an investment property she had bought in Costa Rica, and a $96,000 annual alimony payment.

She got angry.

"It's so obscene," said Holly Chiancola, 52, a Gloucester, Mass. real estate agent who is fighting the terms of a divorce settlement ordered by a judge in 2006.

You used to hear about divorced men complaining that their ex-wives were unfairly cutting into their income. Now, as more women become primary breadwinners, the complaints increasingly come from them. The number of American men receiving alimony has climbed, from 7,000 in 1998 to 13,000 last year, according to U.S. Census Bureau data

Chiancola's ex, who declined to comment for this story, is among them.
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Do you agree with women paying alimony to men?

As long as men can be required to pay alimony or child support women should be subject to the same laws, anything else is gender discrimination. The whole point of alimony was that women at one time were unable to work or support themselves and that is no longer true, so there is nothing wrong with a wealthy woman having to support a deadbeat ex the same way a wealthy man would. Ideally I would do away with it completely or at least put a time limit on it so that the ex can't just live on it forever.
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Add to favorites Examiner Bio Alimony - the Relationship Reality of divorce

Alimony has an interesting history, one that was basically a half derogatory assistance for women who were seen as the “weaker sex.” Its origins can be traced back to the ecclesiastical courts in England. Since the husband was the sole owner of all marital property, and the wife depended upon him to provide for her sustenance, the English ecclesiastical courts consistently ruled that the husband had the duty to provide for the wife after divorce as well. Otherwise she would become, “a burden of the people.” Heaven forbid there should be any burdensome women around!

While a woman is no longer considered to be a lesser partner in a marriage, and marital property after divorce is divided equally, there is still a feeling that a man owes an obligation to his former wife in a financial sense. This is being debated in family courts. There are people who try to cheat the system and that makes it bad for everyone involved.
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Help For The Self-Represented Person In Court

Would you go into combat unarmed? Are you intimidated with the legal processes in family law courts?

For those of you reading these stories, I'm sure you can hear the hoplessness of the victims. Many don't know which way to turn and are lost in the legal swamp, totally bogged down in some quicksand.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way for a person who can't afford a lawyer and has no other option but to represent themselves pro se [without legal assistance] to have some sort of guidelines as to how they can face the courts with some degree of confidence.

Let's face it, legal proceedures and the law is not rocket science. Every day approximately three quaters of the people who show up in family law courts cannot afford a lawyer. Quite often they are left to their own resources to handle their own case. These people keep reinventing the wheel each time.

Now, for the first time, there are books available to help you understand the system. They were written by someone who had to learn in the school of hard knocks what was required and how to handle to proceedings. Some of the lessons are those you don't find in any other books.

Since child support is regulated by state guidelines and is fairly inflexible, these books concern themselves only with alimony. With alimony, you will eventually be faced with the prospect of wanting to reduce or eliminate it. Or, your ability to make payments will be curtailed and you will be faced with a contempt of court order mandating that you either pay up, convince the court that you are unable to pay, or, you will be incarcerated.

In those situations, your best bet is to get the following books to guide your way as to what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. The are written in layman's language that is easily understood. The purpose of the book is to teach you not only how to understand what is going on, but how to learn what you need to know.

If you are faced with the above situations, you will definitely want to get these books:

How To Modify Your Alimony Payments

How To Defend Yourself In Contempt Of Court Hearings

How To Appeal In State Court Of Appeals

Check these books out today. You'll be glad you did. It will increase your chances of success in court.

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The System is Very Flawed

I am a woman who must pay her husband of 28 years alimony and child support so he can relax and do nothing while I work to support him. Obviously, the system is very flawed. I did not marry my husband to raise children and be a homemaker. He had a profession when I married him and so did I.

When he became middle age crazy and decided to chase after my 20 something year old employee I was willing to forgive him and told him we could work it out. I did not want a divorce but he obviously did. So he walked out and refused to work or help me with the kids. Two years later after I have been the sole provider and caretaker of our children the Judge decided to give him custody and alimony for life. He got rewarded for walking out and abandoning his family and I got penalized for being responsible and paying the bills and rearing our children!

Perhaps alimony was needed in days of yore when women were a man's property and did not work outside the home. If a man chose to leave , some form of payment may have been called for ( a return of her dowry perhaps). Now I can not understand in this day and age why a healthy grown adult can sit on their butt and get paid for the rest of their lives simply because they used to be married to someone.

No one explained to me when I got married that I was giving up my constitutional rights .The Judge has told me I can not move further than 8 miles from my home without losing my kids. He has given my ex so many concessions that I have nothing to go to the bargaining table with. I am at the mercy of an appeals court that does not know me. I have been denied a right to trial by a jury of my peers. I would prefer to be a criminal as criminal court does not have the right to take my children away from me unless they are endangered. In family court they are taken away for no reason.

I'm not an alcoholic nor am I a prostitute or drug addict. I don't even have a speeding ticket! I am a loving mother and a conservative stable adult- same job for 29 years, same marriage for 28 years , same home and neighbors for 20 years, never been arrested. Now I have 3 contempt charges looming against me for petty nonsense about visitation and late alimony payments and I'm being accused of criminal behavior- no burden of proof for the accuser whatsoever.

No one seems to know about this until its too late. Shouldn't the state have to notify us up front prior to entering the marriage contract? Criminals get their rights read to them- why don't mothers and fathers and husbands and wives. I will never marry again but then I will be accused of being a "whore" or the "c" word(Which has been used by my ex) if I chose to have a serious relationship with someone without the benefit??? of marriage.

I'm vocal and I'm fighting but lawyers just throw up their hands and say "that's the law". Its a goldmine for them. Emotionally I feel like a rape victim that is forced to have sex with her attacker every month for the rest of his life. It makes no sense. Do you know of any successful legislation to reverse this travesty?

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Did You Know? Alimony Videos

Alimony: A lottery

Alimony: A Wedding Scene

Equal Rights For Women?

Manamony is alimony for men. It's when the wife was making a lot more than the husband or even he is staying home and she is working. In the case of divorce she has to pay him a monthly amount of money instead of him paying her. They had several people on to talk about it and the thing that astounded me is that the women complained about having to pay! [Read more....]

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